Blackened Blue Eyes..

I think possibly I have finally out-done myself in terms of stupidness. Yes, I too am suprised it's took me this long.

I woke up the other morning with a soaking wet pillow, kitchen roll stuck to the side of my face and when I finally dragged myself out of bed, a black eye. Oh yes.

And here it is in the later stages of it's life, bearing in mind it has faded!



As the previous night before on a great night out, a drunken friend of mine, who was drunker than me before you think/ask, came over to hug me but instead just sort of rugby tackled me, lost his balance and took me down with him.

And drunken me decided to cushion the blow with my face, great idea.

I got dragged up off the floor by my lovely friend Helen and the laughs circulated as usual. But about 2 minutes later as I was dancing there was something in my vision which I couldn't figure out what it was.

As I wear contact lenses I thought perhaps maybe as I fell, my contact had shifted awkwardly.

So as I went to sort it I felt this funny thing on my head. Shock soon set in when I realised it the funny thing on my head and the strange thing in my vision were both infact, my head.

I told a few friends about it and asked them what it looked like. Views were split, they either laughed or looked horrified.

And within about a minute I had a new nickname, Quasimodo and my bump had been Christened Bobby the Bump.

Then I seemed to turn into some sort of circus freak as people around me kept beckoning others to come look at me. Bear in mind this whole time I'm still pretty alcoholed up and can't understand what all the fuss is about and all I wanna do is dance.

As the days passed, my eye has got worse and worse and shows no sign of dissapearing anytime soon!!

Even the other night when I went out again to celebrate the anniversary of Bobby the Bumps birth, I thought I had done a good cover up job, only to see the pictures the next day and see the black eye was obvious in every single one!

I am officially an utter stunner am I not? aha!

Listening to: Lily Allen - It's Not Fair

Oh Great!!

I have hated my hair for a long time now. I like to change it a lot because I get bored and know that I'll have to stick to one colour one day, so I'm trying to try them all out.

And yesterday I decided with some help from mother Sev that it was the day for change.

The colour I was was like a very dark brown verging on black because previously I had red hair and it was the only colour I could go to get rid of the red tinge through my hair.

I absoloutley hated it when I first got it as black didn't suit me. But as it faded I got used to it and I settled. But it was time for change, I wanted shot.

So I went home and my mum had purchased this box stripper so we decided, what could go wrong? and went ahead and proceeded with the mission to give me beautiful new hair!

But of course, it was Friday the 13th, so a lot was about to go wrong! My mum, being the amazing but rather adamant soul she is, went in full speed ahead thinking she could take Lee Stafford on in the hair stakes and didn't read the instructions.

So a few half hours later, we washed the stripper out and lord had it worked! it took all the black colour out and a bit of the red colour I'd had before the big black out, which was fine, but, my roots were yellow, and no, I don't mean blonde, I mean YELLOW.

Now this was because my roots were my natural hair colour and the instructions tell you to wait half an hour before putting the stripper on the top half of your head.

But no, mummy Sev didn't do it that way, so my hair could pass as a flame with the different colours of yellow, orange and red that ran through it.

But hopefully, putting the box colour on it would change that and I'd have lovely hair still. But no, another half an hour later my roots where still an horrific shade of yellow.

Now, at this point, it's 11 o'clock at night. So, my mum and me with my multicoloured dream hair ended up in the 24 hour Asda searching through the box colours in the hope that this would finally give me amazing hair.

Suffice, it did not, and my dad looked like he was ready to cry at his mess of a daughter. And here is the mess of head..




But, the hair disaster was eventually sorted by an early morning trip to the professionals at the hairdressers.

So, the moral of the story?

a) don't let mummy sev anywhere near your head!

b) especially don't let her near it on Friday the 13th!

c) don't play with box colours and stripper!!


Listening to: La Rocca - Non Believer

She's the Man!

Wednesday this week I had a rather blokey day and I blame it all on Varsity

Now for those of you not in the know Varsity is when my uni, Staffordshire, take on our rivals, Keele, in numerous amounts of sports and whoever wins the most, wins Varsity and obviously the title of the best uni.

And this year was my first Varsity and our uni was playing host.

I got there ready to watch the end of men's hockey. And it wasn't good news. We were losing and losing badly.

So my loyalty to Staffs kicked in and I thought it was about time to put my big mouth to some use for once. And I started chanting.

Not only that, but I started an argument with Keele's goalkeeper, which centred around the fact he was, lets say obese, although those were not the words I chose to use at the time.

I shan't repeat what I said incase my mother reads this, but I can trust you all to use your imaginations.

The final whistle eventually blew. We lost and the obese goalkeeper threw a gesture in my direction and ran off, or should I say wobble off, to join the rest of his team.

I was annoyed to say the least. So off we went to the toilet to go vent about the Keelites. And on said journey a friend told me to have some of their beer to calm down.

Now I'm not a beer drinker, but I wasn't in a position to turn down alcohol. So I knocked some back and off we went to find the next sport to chant to.

But on our way out of the toilets, we heard some shouting, and this shouting was 'KEELE, KEELE, KEELE!'

At that moment in time we all looked at each other and we all knew what had to be done. We had to go up to wherever the shouting was coming from and chant 'STAFFS!' louder. So off we ran.

We didn't know where we were going or what sport it was but we knew our uni needed us!

And it was women's basketball. And we were winning. I was smiling already. But Keele were putting up a good fight which didn't please me much. So I kept knicking some more of my mate's beer.

And as I took a swig, I noticed something that brought a massive smile to my face and a whole load of new chants to the table.

One of the girls from Keele's team was the spitting image of Panda from Skins. Now for those of you not in the know, which I'm hoping is very few, this is Panda.



And in Skins she plays the idiot of the group, so you can imagine my delight as this came to mind. I then proceeded to tell everyone I was with about it.

My next move was to chant 'WHIZZZER!' as loud as I possibly could. And it soon caught on. It was an amazing game, and we won. Even better, 'Panda' looked fuming, which kept the smile on my face.

We then moved on to mens rugby. And on the way I was thinking of as many chants and insults as I possibly could, all in the name of support for Staffs of course.

When we got there however, I needn't have bothered. There was a girl with a megaphone just constantly shouting abuse at a guy from Keele and she was amazing! But we lost.

So again, the beer was knocked back to console ones self as we trecked back over to womens hockey. And we lost that also, so another beer was sunk down.

We were losing 6-5 and we only had mens basketball and football left. We had to win basketball to level it to even have a chance to win. So we quickly grabbed another beer and ran upto the gym.

And the atmosphere was nothing short of immense. Chants were rife and Staffs were leading. Eventually the game ended and we won. We were even and it was down to the football.

Happy Sev. So then we cracked more beers for celebration. I think its fair to say at this point I was pretty under the influence.

But I didn't care, we were going to win varsity and the night ahead of us was going to be amazing.

And we eventually won the football and in turn won Varsity - WHOOPA!

And it's probably the most blokey day I've ever had in my life. I drank beer which I never ever do, watched sports which I rarely do these days and last but not least, I practically become a sports hooligan with the amounts of arguments I got into!!

Blokey Ass Bird oh yes..

Listening to: Oasis - She's Electric

Do you know the Muffin Man?

So if you've read this blog before then you'll already know that I'm no culinary genius, the opposite is more near to the truth.

But something rather strange has took hold and I've some how took on some housewife genetics. Me and my friend Tarley, two of the most un-female females ever, spent our Saturday evening making chocolate muffins.

Now I could easily fool you all into thinking that we made these from scratch, but I shan't lie. We used 79p mix from Asda.

We managed to add the milk and the eggs to expert precision and the mix went into the oven without a problem. They smelt amazing.

But, when they came out of the oven and into our faces, we felt rather let down. As the gorgeous aromas that filled my kitchen did not match the rather bland taste.

Gutted.

So the muffins got left. We were annoyed at them more than anything else so we didn't want to look at them.

But after sleeping on it, me and Tarley had a flashing light bulb above the head moment. We could possibly salvage the muffins by melting some chocolate over the top.

Genius.

And I swear the sense of excitement at this moment in time was unreal. Something like when you wake up on Christmas morning and realise it's actually Christmas.

Anyways, off I ran to my room where I had a stash of chocolate buttons Mummy Sev had purchased for me on her last visit to Stoke.

And so the melting process began. And as Tarley scooped the chocolate onto the muffins we both looked at each other as if to say, "These are going to be amazing." See for yourself.



It was a tense moment. We put them in the fridge to try and let the chocolate set a bit quicker, but we couldn't wait.

And they actually were amazing. Well, compared to the previous days bland, bath sponge like efforts.

But then we got slightly more brave, we decided to melt toffee and put that on top. It seemed like a genius idea, I mean, toffee on a muffin, thats brilliant, right?

Well, yes and no. See, the toffee coated muffins were beyond lush, but only when they hadn't quite set. A few hours later, when the munchies hit and we decided to finish off the muffins, the dissapointed faces were to return.

See, any normal person would realise that toffee, once set, is an extremely hard substance. Muffin however, is not. Mixing these two things together, not a brilliant idea if you wish to keep your teeth.

So, although not a thorough success, we were still happy with our improvements to the muffins. And to be honest, it wouldn't have felt right if something didn't go wrong, I mean it is me after all.

And I also learned about the sheer excitement muffins bring to life. All for 79p. I'll say it again,

Genius.

Listening to: Franz Ferdinand - No You Girls

DANZING!

I've spent the last few days searching for funny videos on YouTube with my mates and I feel I have come across some of the most hysterical things I have ever seen.

I would quite happily sit and watch these back to back all day and I'd still find them funny.

But I have been told by some people that they aren't humourous in the slightest and that I'm a freak and have a weird sense of humour.

So, I'm putting them on here and you can tell me if I'm a sad get or not, it's like Big Brother, YOU DECIDE!

Oh the power I give you people..

First up, is a remake of the infamous Charlie Bit Me vid, I do love it!


Next, is Ukraines entry into the 2007 Eurovision Song Contest, this should well have won!


So, is it funny, yes or no please??

Listening to:The Raveonettes - Love In A Trashcan

Pint Puller Sev

So this weekend, I made a return to the pub I worked in over the summer of last year, the first time since, as the landlord asked me for a favour, plus I desperately needed the beer money!!

The pub is called The Albert Hotel and it's your basic bog standard pub that only regulars dare enter.

And I don't know why it has Hotel at the end of the name though, coz it's the last place you'd stay over night! Actually see for yourself!


Anyway, I was back and after some serious tippage as the purse strings had snapped and washed away a long time ago.

Now you may be thinking that a female pint puller would have no trouble getting tips. Wrong.

Because this just wasn't any female pint puller, it was me.


I'm female yes, but there isn't much else that is particularly feminine about me. I grew up with my older brother as my main influence and I feel because of this, I'm more boy-like than I should be.

I also have a rather big mouth on me, so when I get grief from customers, they get a load back. Not a good way to charm them into giving you their money.

And before you think it, my chest is not of a proportion that would goad any male into forking over tippage.

So basically, I had to come up with a plan to get the tips flowing. And this I'm slightly ashamed to admit, was to flutter the eyelashes and be a girly girl for the evening. Hard times.

But, it did work. So I don't know what is more sad, the fact that I sold out and became a total full on female for the evening for money (hooker much?), or that men in pubs actually fork out extra money if there's a younger face that laughs at their really bad jokes??

Please tell me it's the latter people...

Listening to: Snow Patrol - Crazy in Love